1. It’s been a while

    I have concluded that I am a deep thinker. And sometimes, in my head it’s so quiet I could hear a pin drop at the very back of my skull. And I know that I am solely alone, observing and watching, free to think clearly to myself, amused and there is a visible do not disturb sign in my eyes. And I can see that it is working. I can see that I project the things that I hope to be real and take place. Or I am just a mystery, a confusing heap upon the sofa sobbing without explanation. But you can’t help but take pity and ignore it for lack of a blow to the fragile pride that’s been left in tact.

    Sometimes I feel so diplomatic but I blurt out words and phrases that only I ever swore made sense. Nothing ever does and half of the time I’m positive I sound like a loon, missing that valuable connection that I so eloquently thought I placed. I’ve misplaced my words and my tongue and I avoid eye contact, caught up, tripping over my own feet one too many times. I can’t speak. I trip, I spit and I go blank stuttering and conversation escapes me so I turn around and leave and that is why I cherish working as I do. Each moment is controlled at the sole by my necessity to do something responsible and I use my labor shield to my advantage. I couldn’t have planned it so well. I feel like things are coming together but I know that I’m just lucky. I spend my waking moments dipping foreboding thoughts, trying to forget and shirking responsibility. I have concluded that my strong point is avoiding the inevitable and each moment the shit could hit the fan, I slide by because I can foresee the outcome. It’s foggy but my stomach doesn’t churn and my muscles don’t twitch as I fight the itch to scream and turn away. I always wanted to be blunt and outspoken but I could never bring myself to do so because the things I think about the world are not always appropriate and should be censored to save face. It’s difficult to be so blunt when the things you think could turn out to be a loaded gun.

    Hollow and wanting you picture each scenario in your head until the moment you’re dead. You doubt yourself, drowning in temptation for all vices from procrastination to cigarettes and you end up buried believing you can’t quit. I twist myself in blankets wishing I could fit a routine into my head but each attempt to structure something so erratic and blissful fails miserably so I burn it to the ground. My decision making skills may never be sound, but my love for freedom and fate over power and make it easier not to worry. I spend too much time, far too much, dwelling on what I’ve done wrong, said wrong or just haven’t done. Some things just can’t be changed or altered so what sense is there in worrying about all that could go wrong. So much could go right as well.

    And then I fall.

     
  2. I’ve been slacking on posts lately. But I found this is my front yard this morning. Neat.

    I’ve been slacking on posts lately. But I found this is my front yard this morning. Neat.

     

  3. I don’t think I’m making bad decisions. I think I’m making memories. I think I’m experimenting. I think I’m learning and experiencing things that I could never see. I feel like I’m not satisfied, always searching and who knows if I’ll find it like this. I won’t regret this. I’ve got to get with this. Burnt rough in the sun, preparing to march under the gun. Cool breezes make a paradox and this is ludicrous with mundane signs tapped into the pavement. Have we found meaning or just belonging? And does change start at unity and build its way up?

    I don’t think Im making bad decisions. The decisions are making me and maybe you’ll see. But I’ve got to change or at least something does. It’s worked itself out from first to last rung.

    Im not making bad decisions. Im just doing it so the decisions make me.

    The past few days haven’t been disappointing, just anticlimactic. The Protest wasn’t really all it was cracked up to be and Stephen and I agreed that had there actually been media there, the chaotic sound of drum sets being beaten to different tempos while hipsters freak danced in the middle wasn’t exactly the image we were hoping to portray. We wouldn’t have wanted it to be recorded.

    I feel uninspired these days. A little let down and lacking will power, sucked dry by the daily grind. But I still find novelty and joy in the small things and still intend not to dwell.

    Tonight I have high hopes of helping make our stark little house feel more like home. I hope that we can brighten the living room and roll out the carpet and finally move into the bedroom because it’s getting cold enough not to require the one little wall unit we in the living room.

    My living situation is strange. Last night didn’t end up like any of us expected but then again, things continue to happen in a melodic, fate related kind of way. So I’ll get kicked out of the show but I’ll be waiting by the bathrooms to hold your hair when you stumble out puking. That’s what I’m here for and I always will be, without judgement because for the people I love, I love unconditionally.

    I met some people from my past by chance. It’s funny how that happens. I miss everyone that I lack the time or will power to see. I hope everyone understands that I do my best and don’t avoid anyone. There’s just so little time in a day and stuck between work and play, under my mental cross hairs, pressured to be creative and create, I lose track of time. And it rolls over to the next day. And the next. I don’t put things off for the sake of just not doing them. I put things off for other important tasks that need to be accomplished. Yet, everyone has their own idea of what’s important. Leave your judgement at the door.

    It’s been a strange week certainly, but I still feel lucky, even when I’m feeling down. And that is my mantra. Why am I so fucking lucky? It’s not just for inspiration. My luck has been tested and even if it’s bittersweet, knowing that each situation worked out in the best way possible, for me, is enough of a boost to keep on keeping on.

    Edit - Me: We went to Ikea and got a new carpet! I’m so excited! Stephen: That’s awesome! So where did you put it? Me: The trunk. Stephen: …

     

  4.  1

     

    Twenty four seven, let’s take a drive to seven eleven. I’ve got the beat and I turn on the heat. You fill me up from my head to my feet. I feel still in the morning air, taking hits from the pipe to the sound of the snare. You make it easy not to care. You are my blanket and in case I have to fake it, you’re there through the fairest. You relieve my ability to care. You take us to the beach and make it impossible to see in the summer heat. We built you from the bottom up and I can’t help but feel you up, promising care for the money we’ve spared. You don’t mind that I seldom have rhythm but comfort me during my epiphanies.

    You’ve got me during big swigs, thinking I’m a big wig. Holding myself close, I’ve taught the youth to prove themselves and I can’t help it. You’ve driven us from destination to destitution and forced us to form conclusions.

    “I wish there were more nice people in the world like you” I will let that resonate within my soul, random lovely lady who jumped my car at walmart. You are beautiful too.

    For a while there, I felt like anything bad in the world couldn’t touch me. But in fact, it’s crushing me. I’ve got no solutions, I’ve got shit conclusions and I don’t want to talk but I feel like I’ve got to take the shot. I don’t like being lied to and I feel I deserve it for doing it first but it’s not a game. I’m sick of playing and trying to one up one another and I’ve lost all of my security covers.

    If you’re listening or if you’re reading, I care. So many of us do and it’s the truth. Regardless of how well I know you, get a fucking clue. I’ve been in both boats, both sides of this desolate moat and I can tell you that there is hope. Don’t be selfish but do it for yourself. In the end, you have access to piles of wealth, wracked up from your ability to keep on good health.

    Our empire is crumbling and don’t begin to think that I don’t hear the rumblings. I lay awake in the early morning glow, half frozen, facial expression indicating agony and I allow myself to reach a point of inconclusive pain, mouth agape as it starts to rain. Realization paralyzes my brain and confusion denies me any chance of gain.

    I can’t provide details because I can’t form coherent sentences and words. I want out, I want in, I want a car that works and someone to hold my heart close. I don’t think I deserve this the most. I’ve come too close.

     
  5. I shaved and dyed my hair because that makes me happy as a human. I also wrote this because I’ve been slacking on writing lately. Bleh. I take gags in twelve packs.Sacks of words for what it’s worth.My gut grumbles and I’m humbled by all of your chords, splayed out on your little canvas.You can have this too.It’s chill and shrewd but you haven’t got a clue.Shivers pulsate in tune with the weather, my steady beat sends feathers flying.Deep south in the Everglades a boy crumbles, laden with intravenous connections.Bone broke and out of ideas, all I can offer is my affection.Truth spurred, that’s not all we’ve heard. Lay awake and solutions are conjured. They stitch you up and heads bow to confer.The inside of my mind is a magical dreamscape. Whimsically filled with outlandish creatures and mounds if propane. Sipping straws gets the heart beat up, flooding your gouges and ruts with an endorphin rush.I’ve let go of all these crutches, nothing left but hollow notches.I’ve been far and seen too much and I’ve been told I’m wise beyond my years.And all of this praise has left me nothing but yearning.Just to keep on learning.I’ve graduated from scotch tape and print out paper.I’ve leveled off at blogged mediums and paper and pencils.We’ve utilized photo editing software and carved brand new pictures with care.I’ve got this hunger in my gut that can’t be quelled with twigs and berries.I won’t stop until we rejoice, merry in the streets, but we’ve been met with broken teeth and bruised egos.Angry tear stained cheeks strain to the wind.Your hearts are strong but your limbs give in.This is bigger than anything we could have imagined.And I hope that all who join savor this message.I watch you night and day, united in a raging collective.I watch you paint your signs and bare your soul.I watch barter kindly and pack another bowl.I watch you lose your innocence and replace worn out thoughts with brand new ideals,fired up, red hot and ready to go, passion overflows and fills the streets with the chaotic shouts and screams.It’s child’s play it seems.I listen intently and smile, hearing that they’ve hit the Man with plates and paint.I smile fondly when I hear of all those standing up for their land, not a fist or a bomb at hand.Fire crackers are not strong and your forks and knives only dent when they tag eyes.How soon.They’ve started pulling on the most docile of crowds.Words go unnoticed and they want you out.So they shout. And they launch dull projectiles, peppered and tiled on the faces of the youth.They utilize brute force and they laugh in the after math.But the signs of your fight, however light, will be plastered online.Bone broke, the last of your pennies funded your righteous and useful addiction to mass media and social networking.You may be bone broke, but you bought a notebook the last time you had cash to spare.You may be falling deeper into a pit of debt but you continue to snap photos from your smart phone.And we thank you all for thinking ahead and not lying down dead.Your evidence and picture messages, blog posts and videos provide a raging wave that can’t be held.Where is my mind?If you ask then you will find me.Misconstrued and bleeding ink from pores and giggling maniacally about all of the gore.

    I shaved and dyed my hair because that makes me happy as a human.

    I also wrote this because I’ve been slacking on writing lately.

    Bleh. I take gags in twelve packs.
    Sacks of words for what it’s worth.
    My gut grumbles and I’m humbled by all of your chords, splayed out on your little canvas.

    You can have this too.
    It’s chill and shrewd but you haven’t got a clue.
    Shivers pulsate in tune with the weather, my steady beat sends feathers flying.
    Deep south in the Everglades a boy crumbles, laden with intravenous connections.
    Bone broke and out of ideas, all I can offer is my affection.

    Truth spurred, that’s not all we’ve heard. Lay awake and solutions are conjured. They stitch you up and heads bow to confer.

    The inside of my mind is a magical dreamscape.
    Whimsically filled with outlandish creatures and mounds if propane.
    Sipping straws gets the heart beat up, flooding your gouges and ruts with an endorphin rush.
    I’ve let go of all these crutches, nothing left but hollow notches.
    I’ve been far and seen too much and I’ve been told I’m wise beyond my years.
    And all of this praise has left me nothing but yearning.
    Just to keep on learning.
    I’ve graduated from scotch tape and print out paper.
    I’ve leveled off at blogged mediums and paper and pencils.
    We’ve utilized photo editing software and carved brand new pictures with care.

    I’ve got this hunger in my gut that can’t be quelled with twigs and berries.
    I won’t stop until we rejoice, merry in the streets, but we’ve been met with broken teeth and bruised egos.
    Angry tear stained cheeks strain to the wind.
    Your hearts are strong but your limbs give in.
    This is bigger than anything we could have imagined.
    And I hope that all who join savor this message.
    I watch you night and day, united in a raging collective.
    I watch you paint your signs and bare your soul.
    I watch barter kindly and pack another bowl.
    I watch you lose your innocence and replace worn out thoughts with brand new ideals,
    fired up, red hot and ready to go, passion overflows and fills the streets with the chaotic shouts and screams.

    It’s child’s play it seems.
    I listen intently and smile, hearing that they’ve hit the Man with plates and paint.
    I smile fondly when I hear of all those standing up for their land, not a fist or a bomb at hand.
    Fire crackers are not strong and your forks and knives only dent when they tag eyes.
    How soon.
    They’ve started pulling on the most docile of crowds.
    Words go unnoticed and they want you out.
    So they shout. And they launch dull projectiles, peppered and tiled on the faces of the youth.
    They utilize brute force and they laugh in the after math.
    But the signs of your fight, however light, will be plastered online.
    Bone broke, the last of your pennies funded your righteous and useful addiction to mass media and social networking.
    You may be bone broke, but you bought a notebook the last time you had cash to spare.
    You may be falling deeper into a pit of debt but you continue to snap photos from your smart phone.
    And we thank you all for thinking ahead and not lying down dead.
    Your evidence and picture messages, blog posts and videos provide a raging wave that can’t be held.


    Where is my mind?
    If you ask then you will find me.
    Misconstrued and bleeding ink from pores and giggling maniacally about all of the gore.

     

  6.  18

     
    Yesterday was a day of days. Off work and ready to play I made my way to the mall area where I found a wandering Steve. We then proceeded to make our way around town, trying to acquire some things with little or no means. At some point or another, with our expertise combined, we managed to fill my tank full of gas. One huge problem was solved or at the very least, postponed. We managed to acquire food, one other huge issue dispatched, we feasted upon delicious fruit (To be covered later), cheese and meat. After miles of travel and some bitter decisions, we saw some friends and ended up back at headquarters to drink wine with Steve’s sister, who is always such a welcome guest, and I introduced her to Asiago and Prosciutto. Still having trouble pronouncing the names, she went searching for these products the second she left. After this was hair dying, the cooking of food and a long over due hair cut for me, perpetuated by the fact that I never have money. My hair and the length itself are the indicators of how long I’ve gone without spare change this time around. Usually. Tania’s hair is now purple and perfect. Food for Crohns: Fruits of the day were Honey Crisp Apples, they are like drinking a delicious glass of water and eating the forbidden fruit off that magical bible tree. I was there, it’s an accurate comparison. Really ripe, green pears. I bought then from the devil (Walmart, how ironic) but tastey none the less. Asiago cheese. Yum. Prosciutto - the salt and too much cheese, no matter how sharp appear to be contributing to a major gas factor. I feel terrible for my bunk mates. One room with little ventilation. Told you we should keep the windows open guys. Recipe time! Stuffed Green Bell Peppers for the poor person trying to be healthy and fancy! 1 Onion 1 Tomato 1 cup baby portabella mushrooms (or more, that’s all I had) and a bit of the pepper you’re about to stuff All diced and in a pan. Onion first, cooked with red wine, a dash of oil and about a teaspoon or shittons of garlic (to taste) Chop as you go. Next put in mushrooms. For the tomatoes, scoop the goop and seeds out when you chop it into the first big chunks. (always good to avoid seeds and unnecessary moisture when stuffing with Crohns) Cut in half lengthwise and hollow out the Bell Peppers. Toss the seeds. Oil a pan and place bell peppers in it with a few drops of red wine and garlic, then bake them at 350 for as long as it takes to finish the other crap. By now the other stuff should be sizzling and stuff. Make sure it doesn’t get dry and start to burn on the bottom, so if needed, put a little more wine or sunflower oil in it. I added these spices and things for flavor: Dash of onion and garlic salt. One bay leaf. Dash of cumin. Dash of red pepper flakes. A splash of Sriracha. And a little bit of garlic and onion pasta sauce for flavor. Could probably be any red tomato sauce, it’s just what I had. (about 5 for fulls) Take it off the eye and let this cool off for a second. Then beat two eggs into the goop you’ve made in the pan, taking all necessary precautions (NO METAL ON NON STICK PANS) and then proceed to fill the peppers and probably whole pan with it. Add cheese as you see fit (Asiago in this case) mix it in or sprinkle it on top. It’s always nice to have a crispy cheese layer on top. Bake for 45 minutes (give or take, I just forget about it) and enjoy. Now for fun time! A few of my friends could make great sitcom characters. Changing names for privacy. Katrina did six double shots, all lined up in a row for convenience, by grabbing them with her mouth tilting her head back and chugging. There are videos to demonstrate. Meri takes ten shots in a row looks up and says with a blank stare “I don’t know why you threw up.” Later while prompted about a gentleman visitor she had mentioned earlier: Katrina: “No. What? No, that guy? He’s gone, I told him to get out” Steve: “Why?” Katrina: “Because he wanted a relationship.” Blank stares and laughs ensued. And now a poem: Here we go on another day to day adventure. Apples and pears keep us alive. Slide a block of cheese into my sleeve. I cut my strings with pensive thoughts and crave the best, knowing I’ll taste the fruit if I root it out and beat it into submission. By god, the world will listen to me. I can make things happen. I can put gas in our tank and food on the table and grab a bottle of that good old black label while I’m at it. I can point you in the right direction, be the potion for your ailments and hold you still as your mind goes flailing. You’re not failing and this isn’t our end, now shave my head abs let’s go to bed. I’ve got a good idea, brimming with missed connections and long lost satisfaction. I’ve got my eye on the world and I’m passing up doubt because right now, we just need to succeed. I believe in karma and man’s good will to tap into the vast cascading river of kindness. If I reach for it, it will appear and none will be found wanting. I’m a magician and I always make something out of nothing. I’m going back to my old ways and that’s here to stay. I’m going to take the day and rip it a new one. I’m going to fire all of the guns. I’m firing my Lasers! Also, the turtle you see in this picture is a Star fish mutant ninja turtle. One of the many conquests of the day.

    Yesterday was a day of days. Off work and ready to play I made my way to the mall area where I found a wandering Steve. We then proceeded to make our way around town, trying to acquire some things with little or no means. At some point or another, with our expertise combined, we managed to fill my tank full of gas. One huge problem was solved or at the very least, postponed. We managed to acquire food, one other huge issue dispatched, we feasted upon delicious fruit (To be covered later), cheese and meat. After miles of travel and some bitter decisions, we saw some friends and ended up back at headquarters to drink wine with Steve’s sister, who is always such a welcome guest, and I introduced her to Asiago and Prosciutto. Still having trouble pronouncing the names, she went searching for these products the second she left.

    After this was hair dying, the cooking of food and a long over due hair cut for me, perpetuated by the fact that I never have money. My hair and the length itself are the indicators of how long I’ve gone without spare change this time around. Usually. Tania’s hair is now purple and perfect.

    Food for Crohns: Fruits of the day were Honey Crisp Apples, they are like drinking a delicious glass of water and eating the forbidden fruit off that magical bible tree. I was there, it’s an accurate comparison. Really ripe, green pears. I bought then from the devil (Walmart, how ironic) but tastey none the less.

    Asiago cheese. Yum. Prosciutto - the salt and too much cheese, no matter how sharp appear to be contributing to a major gas factor. I feel terrible for my bunk mates. One room with little ventilation. Told you we should keep the windows open guys.

    Recipe time!

    Stuffed Green Bell Peppers for the poor person trying to be healthy and fancy! 1 Onion 1 Tomato 1 cup baby portabella mushrooms (or more, that’s all I had) and a bit of the pepper you’re about to stuff All diced and in a pan. Onion first, cooked with red wine, a dash of oil and about a teaspoon or shittons of garlic (to taste) Chop as you go. Next put in mushrooms. For the tomatoes, scoop the goop and seeds out when you chop it into the first big chunks. (always good to avoid seeds and unnecessary moisture when stuffing with Crohns) Cut in half lengthwise and hollow out the Bell Peppers. Toss the seeds. Oil a pan and place bell peppers in it with a few drops of red wine and garlic, then bake them at 350 for as long as it takes to finish the other crap.

    By now the other stuff should be sizzling and stuff. Make sure it doesn’t get dry and start to burn on the bottom, so if needed, put a little more wine or sunflower oil in it.

    I added these spices and things for flavor: Dash of onion and garlic salt. One bay leaf. Dash of cumin. Dash of red pepper flakes. A splash of Sriracha. And a little bit of garlic and onion pasta sauce for flavor. Could probably be any red tomato sauce, it’s just what I had. (about 5 for fulls)

    Take it off the eye and let this cool off for a second. Then beat two eggs into the goop you’ve made in the pan, taking all necessary precautions (NO METAL ON NON STICK PANS) and then proceed to fill the peppers and probably whole pan with it.

    Add cheese as you see fit (Asiago in this case) mix it in or sprinkle it on top. It’s always nice to have a crispy cheese layer on top.

    Bake for 45 minutes (give or take, I just forget about it) and enjoy.

    Now for fun time!

    A few of my friends could make great sitcom characters.

    Changing names for privacy.

    Katrina did six double shots, all lined up in a row for convenience, by grabbing them with her mouth tilting her head back and chugging.

    There are videos to demonstrate.

    Meri takes ten shots in a row looks up and says with a blank stare “I don’t know why you threw up.”

    Later while prompted about a gentleman visitor she had mentioned earlier:

    Katrina: “No. What? No, that guy? He’s gone, I told him to get out”

    Steve: “Why?”

    Katrina: “Because he wanted a relationship.”

    Blank stares and laughs ensued.

    And now a poem:

    Here we go on another day to day adventure. Apples and pears keep us alive. Slide a block of cheese into my sleeve. I cut my strings with pensive thoughts and crave the best, knowing I’ll taste the fruit if I root it out and beat it into submission.

    By god, the world will listen to me. I can make things happen. I can put gas in our tank and food on the table and grab a bottle of that good old black label while I’m at it.

    I can point you in the right direction, be the potion for your ailments and hold you still as your mind goes flailing. You’re not failing and this isn’t our end, now shave my head abs let’s go to bed.

    I’ve got a good idea, brimming with missed connections and long lost satisfaction. I’ve got my eye on the world and I’m passing up doubt because right now, we just need to succeed. I believe in karma and man’s good will to tap into the vast cascading river of kindness. If I reach for it, it will appear and none will be found wanting. I’m a magician and I always make something out of nothing.

    I’m going back to my old ways and that’s here to stay. I’m going to take the day and rip it a new one. I’m going to fire all of the guns.

    I’m firing my Lasers! Also, the turtle you see in this picture is a Star fish mutant ninja turtle. One of the many conquests of the day.

     

    Crohns disease Diet Stuffed Bell Pepper Seasoning Food Meal Recipe Fun Adventures protest money making it by means friends sitcom it's always sunny Colitis Captain Turtles Weeeeeee 

  7. Lost my way. Finding it again.

    I’m not allowed to drink anymore. I guess sometimes I just can’t handle it and I end up rolling on the floor in a pool of my own spit up. Never again. Of course, I say that, then a few months from now, it will happen again.

    I feel sorry for people who have to witness that or take care of me (poor sleeping Tania).

    The past couple days have been a strange mix of I’m not sure what and I’m not sure why. I feel off track. But at the same time, a friend of mine helped point out that my drunk adventure on foot was unusually lucky.

    To recap that, I think I decided to test fate to make sure I really am as lucky as I think I am. I wandered to the store trying to buy a pack of cigarettes with about two dollars in change and the shiniest Canadian coins I could find, because for some reason, I thought that would be acceptable currency. Got cigarettes. Wandered around. Went back to the store. Lost my wallet. Walked more. Some where in there, I took a bunch of pictures of my travels that are just as blurry as my vision was at that point, fell on my ass, busted my knee and foot the fuck up and lost the cigarettes.

    Around 5:30 AM, I sat up restless, still drunk and some how managed to locate the cigarettes again in the half mile radius of potential land they could have been in. Not to mention, the next morning, we wandered around trying to find my wallet when I realized that it was no longer with me. Low and behold, it was at the gas station.

    I’m pretty sure lucky things like that don’t just happen. But they did.

    Regardless, no more drunk adventures for me. My body hurts, I have too many mystery bruises and hang overs are difficult to get rid of.

    I need to get back on track. I’ve proven to myself that it’s not worth it, despite the amusement to put myself through that and despite how alright I feel physically, I’m pushing it and it could only be a matter of time..

     

  8.  11

     
    What I’m seeing as a drunk pedestrian. I swear to god I’m up to snuff on tolerance. I’m totally not sober and I’m enjoying this adventure. I don’t know where this adventure ends but I’m not home. And I’m close to stone. And the cops can’t see me. I’m a relief. I’m gone and a weapons s spawn. Gon, down the street, without heart beat. I pull My wife beater down. Things start splitting at the seams now. The whole things tumbling to the ground. I left myself clues and in the frozen cold weather, turning blue, I saw my queue. I’ve never felt more accomplished. Yelled at and fighting conquest, my heart calls to vanquish all the ghosts that perch upon my withered arms and I return a champion, emerging into light, I grace thy sight, moments brushed by such a rush. A ghost wrapped in the arms of a bitter bard, called to duty from amidst the sleep of total treaties, peace the only thing you dream of once sleep has come. You’ll never know the moments I’ve succeeded, shivering cold with lacking of heating. I return to your arms once again, muse satisfied with my distant cries to wander far. I’ve been berated to stay belated in the arms of all they call the concentration of hearts worried and distracted. I’ve found my purpose and I go willing undisturbed now.

    What I’m seeing as a drunk pedestrian. I swear to god I’m up to snuff on tolerance.

    I’m totally not sober and I’m enjoying this adventure.

    I don’t know where this adventure ends but I’m not home. And I’m close to stone. And the cops can’t see me. I’m a relief. I’m gone and a weapons s spawn. Gon, down the street, without heart beat. I pull My wife beater down. Things start splitting at the seams now. The whole things tumbling to the ground.

    I left myself clues and in the frozen cold weather, turning blue, I saw my queue. I’ve never felt more accomplished. Yelled at and fighting conquest, my heart calls to vanquish all the ghosts that perch upon my withered arms and I return a champion, emerging into light, I grace thy sight, moments brushed by such a rush. A ghost wrapped in the arms of a bitter bard, called to duty from amidst the sleep of total treaties, peace the only thing you dream of once sleep has come.

    You’ll never know the moments I’ve succeeded, shivering cold with lacking of heating. I return to your arms once again, muse satisfied with my distant cries to wander far. I’ve been berated to stay belated in the arms of all they call the concentration of hearts worried and distracted.

    I’ve found my purpose and I go willing undisturbed now.

     

    jsr 

  9. What I’m seeing right now as a drunk pedestrian.

    What I’m seeing right now as a drunk pedestrian.

     

  10.  18

     
    A long post about a cat: So I came home from work to meet Tania, Kali and their friend Alex. Low and behold this random tiny cat was frolicking in the driveway with our dog Pluto. They were having a blast! My question is, why does cold weather always mean random cats gravitate towards us? It never fails. So this time, we did feed her (dog food and sushi) and gave her water. We are out of cat food and too poor to get more until Tania’s paycheck comes tomorrow. Due to my stay in the hospital and month long absence from work, I don’t believe I’m going to be paid this week as usual. Regardless, my point is that I work at a sushi restaurant as a food runner which means I’m in the kitchen often enough to spot out faulty/extra plates which is extremely advantageous at this time. Our fridge may be empty but my hands are not and none of my coworkers or my boss seem to have a problem with this. So Tania, Thor and Porch cat are eating well tonight. So this cat, who I refuse to rightfully name just yet, is currently sitting on my lap while the girls are out dancing at the bar. She would prefer to sit here instead of the little bed I made for her in the chair next to me. I have come to the conclusion that she is still a kitten and probably has a home because she is clean, soft and enjoys chewing on my fingers as well as the straw I gave her. She is tiny and teething, I believe. I haven’t decided on whether or not I’m going to let her stay the night inside tonight until daylight when it’s appropriate to go door to door bugging the neighbors about this misplaced kitten. Either way, it’s a pleasure to cuddle with such an adorable creature for however long and I suppose now is the best time to check the temperature and figure out what the low is tonight. Also, Crohns. I said it. Lmao. Today I made a tasty Egg breakfast wit onions, tomatoes and a tiny but of cheese and other spices. It was delicious. I’m thinking about you also buddy. If you’re reading this, I’m going to try and sneak kittens into your room if I get a chance to come down this week. If not possible, I promise you I’m going to get you a kitten at some point in the next couple years. Probably after you graduate high school. Keep on living guys. It gets better. Eventually we stop flaring. Eventually we have to stop being sick. Edit - so this kitten is in my house and I can’t Shake the feeling (feline) that she is marking then next chapter in our lives. Also I’m pretty sure I sent this to my boss. Thanks for turning the other cheek when I grab scraps to bring home. We’ve all fallen on hard times and I don’t know what I’d do without Dragonfly in my life. And really, Thank you for allowing me to continue working for you. I hope to invest as much into the company as you have in me over the past year (wow!) it was a god send when you called me that faithful day and told me to come in for an interview. I still brag to my friends that your deciding question was what super power we would want. I know we don’t know each other well but I’ve been hoping to tell you some day that you are by far the best boss anyone could ask for and I respect you so much for that. You run the restaurant with such prowess and grace, I wonder how anyone could have gained these skills by your age. I sincerely hope that you are living the dream. You have a beautiful family and a rewarding job. I know you put so many hours of hard work into it and I want you to know that it doesn’t go unnoticed. No one would ever dare talk bad about you behind your back because there really is nothing bad to say. You rock Dave Talpasz and I hope the daily grind never runs you ragged because you’re too good for that. Keep it up. Once again, thank you for caring and putting up with me and my medical issues. If it weren’t for you and the rest of the Dragonfly crew, I’m pretty sure I would have crawled in a hole and died a year ago. And it really says something that I feel comfortable saying this to my boss. How many people can really say the same? Anyway, have a greet day. See you later tonight for another explosively awesome shift! Edit - I’m drunk on red wine and stumbling to circle K for tobacco of any kind. I can’t believe I’m doing this but I’m sure the cashier girl will cover Me. I just hit a curb and tripped. I’m sure the neighbors wont notice. I’m sure this blogs purpose is to document how ridiculous I look in comparison to the ladies that work at circle k. Heather is a doll to a crohns Riddled patient as I. Holy shit I am drunk on the side of the road listening to mike snow. Heather at circle K is a doll for putting up with me.

    A long post about a cat:

    So I came home from work to meet Tania, Kali and their friend Alex. Low and behold this random tiny cat was frolicking in the driveway with our dog Pluto. They were having a blast!

    My question is, why does cold weather always mean random cats gravitate towards us? It never fails.

    So this time, we did feed her (dog food and sushi) and gave her water. We are out of cat food and too poor to get more until Tania’s paycheck comes tomorrow. Due to my stay in the hospital and month long absence from work, I don’t believe I’m going to be paid this week as usual. Regardless, my point is that I work at a sushi restaurant as a food runner which means I’m in the kitchen often enough to spot out faulty/extra plates which is extremely advantageous at this time. Our fridge may be empty but my hands are not and none of my coworkers or my boss seem to have a problem with this. So Tania, Thor and Porch cat are eating well tonight.

    So this cat, who I refuse to rightfully name just yet, is currently sitting on my lap while the girls are out dancing at the bar. She would prefer to sit here instead of the little bed I made for her in the chair next to me. I have come to the conclusion that she is still a kitten and probably has a home because she is clean, soft and enjoys chewing on my fingers as well as the straw I gave her. She is tiny and teething, I believe.

    I haven’t decided on whether or not I’m going to let her stay the night inside tonight until daylight when it’s appropriate to go door to door bugging the neighbors about this misplaced kitten. Either way, it’s a pleasure to cuddle with such an adorable creature for however long and I suppose now is the best time to check the temperature and figure out what the low is tonight.

    Also, Crohns. I said it. Lmao. Today I made a tasty Egg breakfast wit onions, tomatoes and a tiny but of cheese and other spices. It was delicious.

    I’m thinking about you also buddy. If you’re reading this, I’m going to try and sneak kittens into your room if I get a chance to come down this week. If not possible, I promise you I’m going to get you a kitten at some point in the next couple years. Probably after you graduate high school.

    Keep on living guys. It gets better. Eventually we stop flaring. Eventually we have to stop being sick.

    Edit - so this kitten is in my house and I can’t Shake the feeling (feline) that she is marking then next chapter in our lives.

    Also I’m pretty sure I sent this to my boss.

    Thanks for turning the other cheek when I grab scraps to bring home. We’ve all fallen on hard times and I don’t know what I’d do without Dragonfly in my life.

    And really, Thank you for allowing me to continue working for you. I hope to invest as much into the company as you have in me over the past year (wow!) it was a god send when you called me that faithful day and told me to come in for an interview. I still brag to my friends that your deciding question was what super power we would want.

    I know we don’t know each other well but I’ve been hoping to tell you some day that you are by far the best boss anyone could ask for and I respect you so much for that. You run the restaurant with such prowess and grace, I wonder how anyone could have gained these skills by your age.

    I sincerely hope that you are living the dream. You have a beautiful family and a rewarding job. I know you put so many hours of hard work into it and I want you to know that it doesn’t go unnoticed. No one would ever dare talk bad about you behind your back because there really is nothing bad to say. You rock Dave Talpasz and I hope the daily grind never runs you ragged because you’re too good for that.

    Keep it up.

    Once again, thank you for caring and putting up with me and my medical issues. If it weren’t for you and the rest of the Dragonfly crew, I’m pretty sure I would have crawled in a hole and died a year ago. And it really says something that I feel comfortable saying this to my boss. How many people can really say the same?

    Anyway, have a greet day. See you later tonight for another explosively awesome shift!

    Edit - I’m drunk on red wine and stumbling to circle K for tobacco of any kind. I can’t believe I’m doing this but I’m sure the cashier girl will cover Me. I just hit a curb and tripped. I’m sure the neighbors wont notice. I’m sure this blogs purpose is to document how ridiculous I look in comparison to the ladies that work at circle k. Heather is a doll to a crohns Riddled patient as I. Holy shit I am drunk on the side of the road listening to mike snow. Heather at circle K is a doll for putting up with me.

     

    crohns colitis diet food sushi kittens cats love cold fall coworkers boss porch bar club eggs vegetablesae